For years, professionals have been encouraged to “bring their authentic selves to work.” It’s a well-intentioned idea, particularly for members of the LGBTQ+ community who may remember a time when being completely open about their personal lives in the workplace didn’t always feel comfortable—or even safe.

But somewhere along the way, authenticity became confused with disclosure. They aren’t the same thing.

I’m gay. I’m married to a man. I’m also a business owner, father, brother, son, strategist, coach, equestrian, classic car enthusiast, community volunteer, and about a hundred other things. My sexuality is certainly part of who I am, but it isn’t necessarily the most interesting thing about me, and it certainly isn’t the first thing every prospective client needs to know. That doesn’t make me less authentic.

For LGBTQ+ professionals focused on developing business, that distinction is important. Authenticity doesn’t require us to make our sexuality part of our business development strategy. But neither should hiding it become part of the strategy.

The Calculation

Many LGBTQ+ professionals are familiar with a small calculation that can occur during everyday business interactions.

A prospective client asks what you did over the weekend. Do you say, “My husband and I went to Palm Springs,” or simply, “I went to Palm Springs”? Someone asks whether you’re married. Do you say husband, wife, partner, or spouse? You’re attending an event with a client whose personal views you don’t know. How much do you share about yourself?

For many people, these decisions happen almost instantaneously and without much thought. But collectively, they can consume energy that could be better spent doing something much more important: getting to know the person sitting across from us.

Authenticity, at least as I think about it, doesn’t mean telling everyone everything about yourself. It means not manufacturing a different version of yourself based on who happens to be in the room.

There is a meaningful difference between authenticity, transparency, and disclosure. Authenticity means I’m not pretending to be someone I’m not. Transparency means I’m comfortable allowing others to know me. Disclosure means I’m choosing to share something specific about myself. We each get to decide where those boundaries sit.

When Other People Make the Calculation for You

Of course, sometimes the decision about how prominently our sexuality figures into a professional interaction gets made for us.

Over the years, I’ve had companies automatically add me to diversity committees, seemingly because someone decided that the gay person in the room would naturally want the assignment. Sometimes I did. Sometimes I didn’t. Either way, I would have appreciated being asked.

I’ve had people assume my political views based solely on my sexuality and proceed to share opinions about candidates, policies, or social issues on the assumption that I must agree with them. Occasionally, the comments were things I found offensive, not necessarily because of the position being expressed, but because of the presumption that my sexual orientation somehow came with a predetermined set of political beliefs.

And then there was the annual holiday party hosted by a company that proudly described itself as “progressive” and “open-minded.” In advance, I was asked not to bring my husband because his presence might make some attendees “feel awkward.” I was told they hoped I would understand. I did. Just probably not in the way they intended.

Those experiences occurred at different points in my career, and they weren’t all motivated by hostility. Some undoubtedly came from people who thought they were being inclusive or avoiding discomfort. But collectively, they taught me something important: inclusion isn’t deciding for someone how their identity should show up. It’s giving them the same freedom everyone else has to decide for themselves.

That lesson applies to business development, too. I don’t want to hide being gay to make someone else comfortable. But I also don’t want someone else deciding that being gay must be the defining feature of my professional identity.

Business Development Is About Connection

The fundamentals of business development are remarkably consistent regardless of sexual orientation: build relationships, establish credibility, become visible, demonstrate expertise, stay top of mind and, above all, earn trust.

Shared identity can certainly help.

LGBTQ+ professional organizations, affinity groups, conferences, and community organizations can create extraordinary opportunities to meet people with whom we already share something meaningful. Common experience can accelerate a relationship in ways that are difficult to manufacture. But shared identity is the beginning of a conversation, not a business development strategy unto itself.

Affinity can open the door. Expertise and relationships keep you in the room.

The goal shouldn’t be to become known simply as the “gay lawyer,” “lesbian banker,” or “LGBTQ+ accountant.” It should be to become known as an exceptional lawyer, banker, accountant, consultant, or executive who also happens to bring experiences and perspectives shaped by being LGBTQ+.

Our professional reputations should be expansive enough to accommodate all of who we are.

Don’t Prejudge the Room

There’s an interesting flip side to those experiences. Just as we don’t want others making assumptions about us, we should be careful about making assumptions about them.

LGBTQ+ professionals can fall into a trap that is fundamentally at odds with good business development: deciding in advance who is likely to accept us.

We make assumptions based on age, geography, religion, industry, politics, appearance, or any number of other characteristics. Yet some of the most meaningful professional relationships can develop with people who initially appear to have very little in common with us.

Business development rewards curiosity. Instead of entering a conversation wondering, “Will this person accept me?” consider asking, “What can I learn about this person?” What matters to them? What are they trying to accomplish? What problems are keeping them awake at night? Where might our interests overlap? How could I be useful to them? Those questions create relationships.

And occasionally, someone you might never have identified as a natural ally becomes one of your strongest champions.

Stop Trying to Be Universally Appealing

There’s another temptation that isn’t unique to LGBTQ+ professionals but may be particularly familiar to us: sanding down the edges of ourselves in hopes of becoming broadly acceptable.

That may make us less objectionable. It can also make us less memorable.

Successful business development doesn’t require thousands of people to vaguely like you. It requires a much smaller group of people to know you, trust you, understand what you do, and think of you when an opportunity arises. Difference can actually be an asset.

A strong professional reputation is created through a combination of what you know, how you think, how you treat people, what you care about, and the experiences that have shaped you. Being LGBTQ+ may be one element of that equation. For some professionals, it will be prominent. For others, it will barely register. Both approaches are authentic.

You Get to Decide What Authenticity Looks Like

Perhaps that’s the most important point.

There is no correct way to be an LGBTQ+ professional.

One person may proudly display a wedding photograph in their office, participate in every Pride event, and become deeply involved in LGBTQ+ organizations. Another may rarely discuss their personal life at work. Neither is necessarily more authentic than the other. And neither should have their professional identity constructed for them by well-meaning colleagues, clients, or organizations.

Business development works best when people aren’t performing a version of themselves they believe the marketplace wants. Clients hire people they trust. Trust develops through consistency. And consistency becomes much easier when there isn’t a professional version of you, a client version of you, a networking version of you, and a “real” version of you competing for airtime. So bring your authentic self to work.

Just remember that authenticity doesn’t require an announcement. Your sexuality doesn’t need to become your business development strategy. But hiding who you are shouldn’t become one either.

And perhaps most importantly, you—not the marketplace—get to decide how much of a role it plays in your future success.

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Jonathan R. Fitzgarrald is the Managing Partner of Equinox Strategy Partners (ESP), a business development coaching and training firm serving lawyers, accountants, and business management professionals. Through ESP’s formalized coaching programs, clients consistently achieve an average of 20 percent year-over-year practice growth. For more information, visit EquinoxStrategy.com.